


Ideal

by oldfriendlikenew



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: AGAIN with the HIGH SCHOOL au, F/F, High School AU, anxiety mentioned, eating disorder mention, honestly. they aren't dating in this fic and i'm mad about myself but i really love how i wrote them, i just really like the awakening kids in hs okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 04:37:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17759912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oldfriendlikenew/pseuds/oldfriendlikenew
Summary: Lucina has some insecurities of her own.





	Ideal

**Author's Note:**

> hey  
> i'm kinda trying to get over my eating problem right now and so i decided to write this fic in order to release my energy  
> please do keep in mind most of it is about having an eating disorder and having anxiety so maybe don't read if you're sensitive to that? come back around when you're better  
> this fic doesn't have a sad ending, although it's more realistic than just being magically okay  
> i hope this fic helps someone else struggling too

She wasn’t sure exactly how it got to this point, but Lucina was currently in the large bathroom stall, splashing water on her face, trying to bring herself back to reality. She had left the classroom, while the teacher was going over topics from class since it was just ELP, and no one batted an eye.

Except for Severa, that is.

Lucina supposes that she’s brought her current state of being upon herself. She hasn’t been able to bring herself to eat anything besides small pieces of chicken every other day for the past week and a half. People had noticed the change in her demeanor, but she just shrugged it off, saying she was tired, which wasn’t exactly wrong. She hasn’t been able to sleep for days. Most people bought into this explanation. The only ones who gave her extra glances filled with worried were Inigo, her cousin Owain, and her sister Cynthia.

Also Severa. She tried to hide it more than the others though.

Severa was able to read her so well and tried to pry her a little bit, but Lucina wouldn’t budge and Severa respected that some people just needed some time to themselves for things like this. Lucina wasn’t sure what she needed right now.

She kept working out for the first four days, but when she felt her world start to spin and heard ringing in her ears, she decided that she had to pick to either not eat or not work out. She tried to eat after that but it just ended in her picking at her plate, almost becoming sick at the sight of it. Lucina decided to not work out, just until she knew she was in a better place mentally. She was just really glad her family wasn’t home to witness any of this happen.

Lucina couldn’t help but take her larger-than-she-usually-wears shirt off and was just staring at her body in the mirror. She knew it was irrational to think she was large. There are other people out there that struggle with their weight and they’re beautiful as they are but Lucina couldn’t get that into her head about her own body.

She was grabbing at places on her body that didn’t look right in her eyes. Her hips, her stomach, her arms. She hated the way it all seemed to drupe right before her eyes. She slightly eyed her bra, thinking about how small her boobs were compared to everyone else’s. Why couldn’t they be bigger in her own eyes, if her mind thought the rest of her was large? Lucina closed her eyes, letting herself be taken by how she felt her breathing start to pick up a little. She just had images of all of her friends laughing at her, making fun of her, leaving her.

Severa was the last one to go, but she made sure to get into Lucina’s face, mocking her the tears that were coming down her face.

Tears? She was brought back to reality, realizing that she was looking at an image of herself in the mirror. She had started crying while going off into a daydream.

God, she was pathetic.

She started to back away from herself. She didn’t want to do this at school. She didn’t want to do it at all but she rather be locked in her room, crying into her pillows. At least she didn’t have to deal with her mom checking in on her now. She’s been questioning her all week. Her mom, whose a little chubby herself, would think that Lucina would hate her.

Or, she would hate Lucina herself for thinking that she was fat. What’s wrong with being fat, Luci? Do you hate me because I’m fat? Am I not beautiful enough for your standards? I guess Cynthia is the only daughter that actually loves me.

Her father joined the picture, looking at Lucina with a scowl. How dare you not love your mother for who she is? Do you know all that she’s done for you? I am so ashamed of you, Lucina. Maybe if you worked harder, you wouldn’t be so insecure about yourself. I can’t believe that my oldest daughter is so pathetic.

Her back hitting the tile brought Lucina back to reality. She felt her chest heaving and she couldn’t regain her breath. She slid down and ended up sitting on the ground, trying her best to breathe again, but it was just so hard.

She kept seeing flashes of people from her life in her head. Her mother, incredibly sad. Her father, disappointed. Her friends circling around her, all taking jabs at her again.

Severa got in her face one more time. You don’t get to feel like this, Lucina. You’re actually perfect. I wish I could be you. You’re everything I WISH I could be.

Lucina was so mad at herself. She felt like she was betraying Severa by twisting words that Severa had used when she finally vented to Lucina about her insecurity problems.

That anger just dissolved into a further sadness with herself.

Lucina was startled when she heard the main bathroom door open. She shoved the shirt over nose and mouth so that she couldn’t give away the mess that she had gotten herself into. She saw some a pair of legs right outside of her stall but she shut her eyes before she could tell who’s they were. Lucina needed to calm down, but she just couldn’t.

“Lucina?”

Severa’s voice.

“Lucina, what are you doing? Skipping, even if it’s just ELP, sooooo isn’t like you. I even only came because you asked me to and yet you still ditched me. That was sort of lame, Luci.”

Lucina deserved that. In fact, it just made her cry harder. She was such a horrible friend. A horrible and fat person in general.

When Lucina doesn’t respond, she hears Severa try to open the door and it just made her cry harder into her shirt. She didn’t want anyone to catch her in such a vulnerable state.

It was strange though.

She wanted Severa to be the last person to find her, but she’s the only person she can imagine talking to right now.

Before she knew it, she felt a pair of hands covering her own, prompting her shirt to leave her face. She wasn’t sure how she got here, but Severa had made her way into the stall.

“Lucina, you’re okay. I’ve got you, you’re safe,” Severa explained. “Try to breathe. In, out. In, out.”

Lucina tried to listen to her, but it was so hard. Everything was just so hard. She had just shut her eyes again, which just made the voices appear again.

Severa let go of her hands for a second Lucina felt Severa’s leather jacket be wrapped around her. It felt nice and comforting. Lucina just gripped the jacket and brought it around herself tightly. She heard Severa whispering encouraging words to her as she pats Lucina’s back. Once Lucina was stable with her breathing, Severa handed her the water bottle out of her bag.

It was nice seeing Severa like this, knowing that Lucina was probably one of the few people who ever got to see this side of her.

“Luci, we should talk about it, but I don’t want to push you,” Severa said, while sitting next to Lucina, “You let me vent to you. You know I’m here for you now.”

Lucina gripped the jacket tighter around her, realizing how exposed, both emotionally and physically, she was to Severa right now.

“I-I… It’s hard, Severa,” Lucina said.

“I never said it was easy. You don’t need to be alone through it though.”

Lucina looked at the ground but then glanced at Severa’s face and she can’t ever recall a time she’s seen such a genuinely worried face on the feisty girl before. It made her heart drop.

Lucina breathed in deeply and then started, “I’m scared, Severa. I haven’t eaten a proper meal in a week and a half. I hate my body and I don’t know why. I know that beauty isn’t about size and the fact that I know that I’m not large in the first place makes it even more irrational… I just don’t get why my brain is acting this way. I-I know you don’t think I’m imperfect, but I… I-I don’t want t-to upset a-a-anyone.”

Lucina started crying again and just leaned into Severa’s shoulder, which caused Severa to wrap her arms around Lucina.

“Luci. You ARE per-” Lucina felt Severa clenching her jaw, having caught herself from making a remark that would hurt Lucina more than it would help. “Look, no one is perfect. It’s just like you told me. Not you, not my mother. Your brain IS making things up. I know it’s hard to get over that, but it’s making things up. I know you know that though.”

Lucina stopped crying, soaking in all of Severa’s words but not saying anything herself.

“I don’t want to disappoint my parents. I don’t want my mom to think I hate her because of this,” Lucina babbled, “I don’t want anyone to hate me. I don’t want you to hate me.”

“Lucina,” Severa made Lucina look her in the eyes, “You will literally never make me hate you when I’m not in my self-pitying moods. God, you’re the only person I will ever feel bad for when I have a negative thought about you in my jealous bouts.”

It wasn’t the most eloquently said, but Lucina understood what Severa was saying. She almost always did.

“Anyways, your mom would never hate you, Luci. She’d probably feel devastated that you’re feeling this way. All of us would, but you have the right to have emotions, you know, even if they’re irrational,” Severa leaned her head back on Lucina’s, “We’re here for you. I’ll sit with you through it, even if it’s just silence.”

They did just that for the next few moments, until Lucina pulled away.

“Sev… Thank you. I won’t lie and say I’m completely fine now. In fact, I’m far from it. But I do feel better, thanks to you,” Lucina said.

“Anytime Luci. I meant it when I said I’ve got you,” Severa said.

The redhead then got up and brushed her knees off.

“You know you’re special because there is literally not ANOTHER soul on this Earth that I would go ON the bathroom floor for,” Severa said, then giving her hand to help Lucina up.

“Sorry…” Lucina mumbled as she got up.

“Nope. It was by my own doing, not your fault. Just feel special,” Severa then winked at Lucina.

Lucina just faintly smiled and then began to panic when she realized she still didn’t have her shirt. She saw it bundled up on the floor, soaked.

Severa noticed Lucina become antsy and she simply took her own shirt off, having a tank top under it.

“Here, this is one of my looser shirts so it won’t make you feel bad about yourself. You can put my jacket on too,” Severa offered.

Lucina was thankful and put the shirt and jacket on, feeling much cozier than just a few moments ago.

Severa than lightly grabbed Lucina’s hand and guided her to the sink. She turned the water on and gathered some cold water in her hand, only to rub it on Lucina’s face, especially around her eyes. Lucina basically melted into her touch.

Once they were done touching Lucina up, they picked their bags up, left the bathroom and started to head to Severa’s car.

“Severa?” a male teacher had called for her, making Lucina and Severa turn their heads, “Excuse me, but you definitely aren’t in dress code.”

“Oh bite me. It isn’t even technically school hours,” Severa remarked and began to walk away, “We’re going home now.”

“Did you just say ‘bite me’? I don’t care if it’s class time or not, you can still get detention while on school property!” he yelled back.

“Oh yeah? You really wanna try m-” Severa was about to push her luck but Lucina intervened.

“I’m sorry sir, Severa just lent me her shirt because I spilled some juice on my own and I was really cold so she lent me her jacket as well,” Lucina said.

“Oh, Lucina. That’s fine then, it is past school hours and if you guys are walking to your car then just hurry along,” he said, conceding. “You know Severa, you could stand to start acting more like Lucina.”

“Yeah, whatever,” she said, “Thanks so much for not letting your blatantly sexist dress code get me detention for no reason other than my shoulders and collar bones have you heated up.”

Before he could say anything else, Severa grabbed Lucina’s hand and they started to run, leaving the shocked teacher in the wind.

Once they had left the building, Severa let go of Lucina’s hand and they started to walk once more.

“Oh Severa… you can be so strong-willed,” Lucina said.

“Tell me if I said anything wrong, Luci!” Severa said and Lucina just laughed.

After a few more steps, however, Lucina’s world started to spin. It was happening again.

She stopped in her tracks, not being able to focus on anything besides the loud buzzing in her ears. She heard Severa try to talk to her but Lucina just heard whatever she said extremely muffled. Severa guided her to sit down and she placed her backpack right next to Lucina’s and left for a moment, only to come right back with a Gatorade. She merely placed it in front of Lucina, who then took sips out of it while not really focusing around her still.

Eventually, the ringing cleared up.

“Sev…” Lucina started.

“Lucina, I was literally freaking out. That was so my fault, I shouldn’t have made you run like that,” Severa said, “God. Sorry.”

“N-No it’s fine, I guess I just don’t have that much energy,” Lucina then got up, which prompted Severa to as well.

“Well, duh. Don’t worry, we’re almost to my car. You have earned yourself to the fattest nap,” Severa said, placing a hand on Lucina’s lower back to be able to guide her.

Once they got in Severa’s car, Severa pulled out a granola bar.

“Luci, you don’t need to eat this right now, actually if you do eat it right now, I will kill you because of all of the crumbs it will get all over my car, but if you could eat like half of it tonight, you’ll probably feel better,” Severa said, handing it to her, “I don’t wanna force you to though. Just do it if you feel like it.”

“Severa… Thank you, that’s very kind of you,” Lucina said, “I won’t promise anything, but I’ll try to get myself to eat some later.”

“That’s all I could ask for,” Severa smirked and then off they were to Lucina’s house, with Severa driving only five mph over the speed limit. So much more below average than usual for her.

Once they got to her driveway, Lucina softly groaned. She had an alibi to not eat dinner with the family once again, seeing how she’ll just tell them that she ate out with Severa.

She just didn’t want to deal with why she hasn’t been coming home for dinner and questions asking where all of this money for eating out was coming from.

Lucina was brought back to the real world back Severa placing her hand on her shoulder.

“Do you need anything before I head home?” Severa asked.

“Uh yeah,” Lucina pulled out her wallet, being reminded she owes Severa money since she bought her a drink and granola bar when she was having that weird moment, “How much do I owe you?”

“Literally nothing. Put your wallet away, Luci,” Severa said, “I made you get like that earlier and the bar is just a treat for when you want it. Courtesy of your bestest friend ever.”

Lucina simply smiled, not willing to argue with Severa, “Thank you, Sev. For everything today. You really are my most beloved friend that I can confide anything with.”

“G-Geez! No need to get cheesy, Luci! Don’t worry about the shirt and jacket right now, I’ll come and get both soon. Now go! Your parents think we’re probably making out right now we’ve been in your driveway for so long,” Severa said.

“Let them think what they want, I suppose. It wouldn’t be the worst thing for them to imagine,” Lucina said before kissing Severa’s cheek and exiting the car.

She swore that Severa’s face became as red as her hair when she closed the door.

Lucina waved Severa off and saw her speeding away with reckless abandonment once more.

* * *

 

It was right before bedtime and after doing her homework and getting lectured by Cynthia, of all people, for hanging out with the “meanest and cruelest girl in the school”, Lucina laid on her bed, feeling a faint grumble in her stomach. She looked at the granola bar that was on her dresser and decided that it was time.

Lucina opened up the wrapper and slowly eat through half of it and that’s all that she felt really ready to eat. She decided to send a picture of the bar to Severa, with no caption or anything.

Severa was smart.

Lucina got a text back that read, ‘the first step is the most important. i’m proud of you luci. xoxo’.

Lucina felt a sense of pride grow within her. She knew she could get through this and she was so glad that she had Severa to help her with it.

 

 

           

**Author's Note:**

> i hope i didn't negatively portray anything in this fic, since it was my own emotions. i am however chub so her particular eating problem might be aspect that i've gotten wrong. sorry if i did.  
> and to everyone reading this that's going through the same thing,  
> i know it's hard to see the rainbow. i know that most of you don't just want to hear that beautiful or pretty or handsome or just some compliment that's made to fill the void.  
> you might not be fine now, but you'll get through it. i still am, but i'm at a much better place than i was a week ago.  
> haha okay enough ranting i hope you liked the story severa is SUCH a fun character to write i hope i did her justice  
> kudos and comment if you care to!!


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